Dear Josey, My friend lost weight and now her guy acts weird with her ….
Dear Toronto Strip Club, My friend is having a problem with her boyfriend. They’ve been together for about three years and living together for the past seven or eight months. She had put on weight over this time and was unhappy with her appearance, so she recently started going to the gym. She looks better and healthier now, and comes across as way more confident. But her boyfriend doesn’t like the “new” her, and gets all p.o.’d and weird whenever my friend leaves the house. What’s going on here? What can she do to get things back on track? A Friend In Need Dear Friend, It’s amazing how much time we spend in relationships hoping the other person will change in one way or another. We nag them and battle over each other’s shortcomings (which of course are often the things that attracted us to him or her in the first place). Then, when someone actually does change, we freak because we realize that actually there was a comfort in knowing the other person was “flawed” and you got used to the dynamic of constantly nagging him or her to change. Also when one person changes in a relationship, it forces the other person to change as well, both in the way that person relates to him or herself and how you relate to each other, which affects how the relationship functions. Add to this the fact that when one person improves himself or herself in a relationship it can be scary because the other person is afraid they’ll get left behind. I could give the guy the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe he genuinely liked his gal with a little meat on the bones but the fact that he gets pissed when she goes out tells me that’s not likely the case. The fact that this guy can’t feel good for his girlfriend’s new found confidence tells me he’s intimidated and scared by it and is insecure that she will leave him and is taking his insecurity out on her. Keeping a person down and making them feel unworthy for someone else is a way of keeping them by your side. And it’s abusive. It’s a non-verbal way of saying, “you’re lucky I’ll have you because no one else will cause you’re worthless.” Of course, bottom line is it’s not your problem. You can talk to your girlfriend about it and see if she’s noticed his behaviour and ask her whether it bothers her. But ultimately it’s up to her to decide that if her guy can’t handle it, she’s got to use her new found confidence and get the heck out.
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