Dear Josey, I told him I love him but I don’t…
Dear Toronto Strip Club, Well, I did it: I told my boyfriend of five-and-a-half months that I love him. The problem? I only said it because he said it first and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I do like him a lot, but what the heck do I do now? Spoke Too Soon Dear Spoke, Doh! Now you know why your mother nagged at you to think before you speak. But I understand how it can happen. There is probably nothing worse than the feeling of telling someone you love them, only to be met with a “deer caught in the headlights” stare. So, put on the spot like that, you take the easy route and say what the other person wants to hear. But now what, right? Well, you could simply not say anything and hope that you eventually do love him. But that’s a risky one. It’s a bit like faking orgasms. The longer you wait to tell him the truth, the harder it will be and the more it will hurt him when you do. So as hard as it might be, you should say something. Of course, how do you bring it up? “Um, you know I told you the other night that I loved you, well, I lied.” Not exactly the best conversation starter. You could wait until he says it again except next time, when he says it, simply look at him and say, “You know what, honey, I really love that you feel so strongly about me and I really like you a lot too, but I don’t want to spoil a really great thing by moving too fast and it still feels too early to know whether this wonderful thing between us is love.” If you want to reassure him further, you can add that you are clearly are moving in that direction, but that you’re not comfortable using those words yet. If he asks why you told him you loved him, gently tell him that you felt put on the spot and didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Given you’ve only been going out five months, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to not know whether you love someone. If he doesn’t agree, well, you’re probably it’s probably good to find out.
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