Archive for May, 2010
Spring Dating Training
“Professional baseball players use Spring Training to get in shape and tune up their game before they hit the field on Opening Day,” said Josh Meyers, CEO of People Media (peoplemedia.com) that monitors the status of single Americans through its ongoing DatingData poll. ”Similarly, many men and women enter or re-enter the dating scene during the spring and summer seasons and find that they are a little out of practice. And when you’re ready to play the field This month, members were asked: “What is the best spring training tip for a first date?” They responded as follows: · 42 percent – “When at bat: Ask questions and listen well” · 22 percent – “Play it safe: Do not go past first base” · 13 percent – “Warm-up: Plan conversation-starters” · 12 percent – “Suit up: Dress for success” · 11 percent – “Avoid curve balls: Focus on the positive” People who haven’t dated for awhile may feel they have to sell themselves to their date, so they tend to monopolize the conversation or forget to listen when it’s the other person’s turn to talk, according to Dr. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and research professor at the University of Michigan who serves as a relationship expert for SeniorPeopleMeet.com.
Find out more
Dear Josey, My girlfriend treats me badly, but I can’t seem to leave…
Dear Toronto Strip Club My girlfriend and I were arguing a lot — she treats me like a slave and I pretty much cry myself to sleep after being with her — and I guess I got sick of her “high maintenance” attitude, because I ended up kissing someone more easy-going and fun. (I know, I’m a jerk.) I do feel bad about “cheating.” My girlfriend took me back but now I realize that was a mistake. Every little thing I do wrong, she brings it up. (She even brings it up when she does something wrong!) As hard as it is, though, after a year-and-a-half together, I cannot live without her. Is it possible to do something about this? Slave to Love Dear Slave, Leave. I know it seems impossible but you have to get out of this obviously extremely unhealthy relationship. She is obviously controlling and hyper critical of you, and while she may not be physically abusing you, she is being psychologically abusive. You are not a jerk. It makes perfect sense that you would go out and have an affair with someone easy-going and fun when you’re living with constant criticism and obnoxious attitude. What you need to examine is why this kind of psychological abuse works for you one some level. Otherwise, why else would you stay? You need to figure out how to have an actual relationship with someone who is easy going and fun because I’m not sure that you could handle it beyond a fling with someone. On some level, you must not feel like you’re worthy of being treated with respect because a healthy relationship does not consist of the other person putting you down all the time and treating you like a slave, unless of course that’s what your both into and there is mutual consent but that’s a different thing all together. Crying yourself to sleep does not reek of mutual consent to me. I know you may feel like you can’t live without her but you can. The thing about an abusive relationship, be it physical or mental abuse, is that the person in power knows how to manipulate you to make you feel like you can’t live without them. It’s part of the game. But you can. You might want to seek out some counseling to help you get through. You deserve better. Everyone does.
Find out more
Dear Josey, We want to marry but religion is an issue…
Dear Toronto Strip Club, I have become serious with this guy. We’ve talked about getting married when we get out of college. The problem? His mom said that he has to marry someone who is Muslim. And if he wants to marry a Christian (I’m Baptist), he can, as long as she converts to Islam. I don’t want him to ruin his relationship with his parents but I don’t want to lose him either. What can we do? Leap of Faith Dear Leap, Um, well, you could convert to Islam. After all, it’s been made pretty clear that that’s what would have to happen to both please his parents and continue the relationship. Of course, I take it that wouldn’t be writing me if this were an option for you. So here’s what you can do. You can sit down with his parents, explain the situation and see if there is any elbowroom on their condition since converting to Islam is not something you’re prepared to do. If you can convince them (which seems unlikely) you’re Scott free, happy parents, happy relationship…woohoo. If they don’t budge (more likely), rather than risk getting into a confrontation, getting upset and saying things you might regret, tell them you’ll have to think more about this and you’ll get back to them. Then talk to your boyfriend and figure out what you’re going to do. What is his opinion on this? Is your faith important to him as well, or is it just his parents. Tell him that you can’t see yourself converting to another faith to please his parents if it’s not something that’s important to him. Ask him what you think you can do. Does he think he can talk to his parents and change their mind? If he doesn’t, is he willing to take your side and marry you risking their disapproval of his marriage. What will that mean? Will they refuse to see him and you? You clearly need to resolve this issue. It’s a biggie and the important thing will be to keep a calm, clear head while you are trying to resolve it. No “your parents or me” ultimatums. If you’re understanding and sympathetic to his difficult position, he will hopefully be more open to yours and there is a greater chance you can find a resolution. If you’re not willing to convert to Islam and his parents are immovable on this point and you are both still determined to get married, it will cause a rift. How you act throughout however is the only chance you have to bringing them, hopefully eventually around to your side. It may never happen and you will have to accept that. But you can be sure it won’t happen if you are confrontational and unreasonable and force your boyfriend to takes sides. It may be that your boyfriend can’t handle the strain on his relationship with his parents and you will have to accept that as well if you are not willing to convert. Proceed with caution.
Find out more
Real Sex Ed in the U.S, Win a Free iPad and Sex After Breast Cancer and Hysterectomies
After years of abstinence only sex education under George Bush, American teens are finally getting treated to a sexual reality check…to the tune of $375 million for more comprehensive sex education SpeedDate.com has released the very first dating app for the iPad. Once downloaded, SpeedDate for the iPad allows users to finger-swipe through photos and search for singles based on location and/or specific keywords then meet via email or by sending a flirtatious “wink” that lets someone know you are interested. Instant notifications alert users when emails or “winks” have been received and when a person of interest is online. Pretty cool. And to celebrate the launch of the app, until May 28 SpeedDate.com is giving away a couple free iPads. For more details and your chance to win, go to SpeedDate.com . May is Masturbation Month and what better way to celebrate than with a nice pink vibrator. According to their press release, Natural Contours created the Petite Pink Intimate Massager “to help breast cancer survivors bring pleasure and intimacy back in to their lives.” Why a vibrator specifically geared to breast cancer survivors? “Refusing to discuss the impact breast cancer has on a woman’s intimate life is like ignoring the elephant in the room,” say the wise folk at Natural Contours. And a portion of the sales proceeds of the Petite Pink goes to Breast Cancer Action (BCAction.org), a non-profit that assists women who have breast cancer and brings awareness to the more social and political issues through their “Think before you pink” campaign. This month, Think Pink! For info, go to naturalcontours.com . And if the topic of sex after breast cancer is the elephant in the room, sex after hysterectomy is the hippopotamus in the room. Read an excellent article on the topic here and attend the I Can Do It! Conference at the Toronto Metro Convention Centre May 28-30, where among the many excellent speaking is The Wisdom of Menopause author Christiane Northrup.
Find out more
Real Sex Ed in the U.S, Win a Free iPad and Sex After Breast Cancer and Hysterectomies
After years of abstinence only sex education under George Bush, American teens are finally getting treated to a sexual reality check…to the tune of $375 million for more comprehensive sex education SpeedDate.com has released the very first dating app for the iPad. Once downloaded, SpeedDate for the iPad allows users to finger-swipe through photos and search for singles based on location and/or specific keywords then meet via email or by sending a flirtatious “wink” that lets someone know you are interested. Instant notifications alert users when emails or “winks” have been received and when a person of interest is online. Pretty cool. And to celebrate the launch of the app, until May 28 SpeedDate.com is giving away a couple free iPads. For more details and your chance to win, go to SpeedDate.com . May is Masturbation Month and what better way to celebrate than with a nice pink vibrator. According to their press release, Natural Contours created the Petite Pink Intimate Massager “to help breast cancer survivors bring pleasure and intimacy back in to their lives.” Why a vibrator specifically geared to breast cancer survivors? “Refusing to discuss the impact breast cancer has on a woman’s intimate life is like ignoring the elephant in the room,” say the wise folk at Natural Contours. And a portion of the sales proceeds of the Petite Pink goes to Breast Cancer Action (BCAction.org), a non-profit that assists women who have breast cancer and brings awareness to the more social and political issues through their “Think before you pink” campaign. This month, Think Pink! For info, go to naturalcontours.com . And if the topic of sex after breast cancer is the elephant in the room, sex after hysterectomy is the hippopotamus in the room. Read an excellent article on the topic here and attend the I Can Do It! Conference at the Toronto Metro Convention Centre May 28-30, where among the many excellent speaking is The Wisdom of Menopause author Christiane Northrup.
Find out more
Masturbation Month, Happy Birthday Good For Her and Can This Marriage Be Saved?
Yes, in case you didn’t know, May is Masturbation Month and EmpowHER.com , an online health media company for women, is offering some great tips and facts to celebrate. So how does masturbation rate its own month? It started in 1995 in San Francisco as a response to the forced resignation of U.S. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders. After a speech at the United Nations World AIDS Day in 1994, an audience member asked Elders about masturbation’s potential for discouraging early sexual activity. She answered, “I think it is something that is part of human sexuality and a part of something that perhaps should be taught.” That was the end of the first black Surgeon General’s Washington career, but the beginning of National Masturbation Month. According to EmpowHER.com, masturbation can be considered a light form of exercise, some other boons include: * Strengthens the immune system and increases resistance to yeast infections * Helps to alleviate pre-menstrual tension and cramps * Relieves chronic back pain * Helps you combat stress * Improves your mood by releasing endorphins * Helps to combat insomnia * It’s the safest kind of sex going So, if you want a gentle work out and a good night’s sleep, make room for some QT…with yourself this month. Good For Her Turns 13th One of my favourite Toronto sex shops turns 13 this month and because it’s also Masturbation Month (see above), they’re celebrating by offering 13% off their top eight toys for doing whatever you like to call it – rubbing one out, paddling the pink canoe, petting the kitty or charming the snake. Go to goodforher.com for details. Can This Marriage Be Saved? Since 1953, Ladies’ Home Journal has profiled real-life troubled marriages in its popular Can This Marriage Be Saved? column. Now they’ve extended the column to a series of webisodes at canthismarriagebesaved.com . ”We like to think of Can This Marriage Be Saved? as the original reality entertainment – a ‘he said/she said’ that lets spouses tell their stories to a therapist, who gives them advice and then reveals how the marriage turned out,” says Ladies’ Home Journal Editor-in-Chief Sally Lee. “It continues to be our best-read column, and we think the time is right to bring this modern, relevant concept to the web and other new-media outlets.” Webisodes on the site include: * Our Dog is Coming Between Us * We Never Have Sex Anymore * His Mother is Tearing Us Apart
Find out more
Dear Josey, I need some dating etiquette advice….
Dear Toronto Strip Club, I’ve just re-entered the dating scene and am confused about a couple of issues. First, if you’re invited out for drinks, coffee, or dinner, who should pay? Second, what’s the proper etiquette about phoning? Should the woman call to extend her thanks after the date, or is she supposed to wait until the guy calls her? Please help!! Etiquette Challenged Dear Etiquette, I’ve always been of the mind that whoever invites should pay. I just think it’s a lot sexier to treat another person that to sit quibbling over who’s entrée cost more or why you should pay less cause he downed most of the bottle of wine you were supposed to share. You could offer to contribute and he should decline or vice versa if you’re treating. Or, if you want to keep things more even, and he’s treating, offer to cover the tip. As for phoning, I’m not into this game playing about who should call whom and how many days should you wait. I’ve got better things to waste brainpower on, like whether to paint my toenails or clean the lint trap of my dryer. If he invited and you had a good time, and would like to see the guy again, call and say thanks. If he seems to share your enthusiasm, tell him you’d like to treat him next time and suggest something. That way there is no awkward, will there be a second date (of course if things went really well, you may have already set up date number two at the end of date number one). If he had a different version of events, you’ll be able to tell by the tone of his voice. If he doesn’t display the same enthusiasm back, just be breezy, say, “Anyway, just wanted to call and thank you for a nice evening. Take care of yourself.” If he’s simply being shy, this will be his cue to say, why don’t we do it again sometime. If he doesn’t say something like this, this is your cue to exit gracefully. Chalk it up to experience and move on. If for some reason, you’re misreading his cues, he’ll seek you out. If not, you’ve kept your dignity and acted like an adult…both underestimated goals in the world of dating these days it would seem. Sadly, most of us act like adolescents when it comes to dating. I know it seems complicated but I think we make it more complicated than it is. Keep things simple, speak your mind, know when to take a hint when someone’s not into you and don’t play games when someone is. That’s all you need to do. It’s actually quite simple. Good luck.
Find out more
Make Your Marriage Better For Your Health
While there is some dispute over the commonly held belief that marriage makes you happier and healthier (http://www.metronews.ca/toronto/columnist/113075–the-j-spot-by-Toronto Strip Club-vogels), there are certainly things you can do to maximize the health benefits of being married. Terri Orbuch is the director of The Early Years of Marriage Project (EYM), which has been following hundreds of married couples for nearly a quarter century. She says if you want to maximize the health benefits of being married, you need to work on making your marriage happier. Hare are five health tips for couples, based on research from Orbach’s research: * Don’t shy away from conflict. Couples who reported that they “never disagree” about 6 topics–money, own family, spouse’s family, leisure time, religious beliefs, and children–were less happy over time than couples who reported conflict. Health tip: Ignoring conflict causes toxic emotions to build up, leading to serious health problems like hypertension. * Keep relationship talk to a minimum. Happily married couples spend little time in conscious relationship maintenance or talk. Husbands, in particular, are more likely to be unhappy if there’s frequent relationship talk, which they associate with marital problems. Health tip: Be more empathetic and less analytical with your spouse. Mutual empathy promotes calmness, which leads to better sleep and less illness. * Affirm your partner often. A whopping 74 percent of the happy couples said their spouses “often” made them feel good about the kind of person they are (as opposed to 27 percent of moderately happy or unhappy couples). Health tip: Frequently tell and show your partner that you like and admire him or her. Partners who feel well loved and secure have less depression.
Find out more