Archive for December, 2009
Thinking something sexy for Christmas? Read this first!
Getting something sexy for your partner can go terribly awry if you don’t put some thought into it first. Luckily, the good folk at comeasyouare.com have done some of the legwork and come up with some tips when it comes to sexy gift giving. Do your homework. Do you know if they’ve had sex toys before? If not, try to use a recent article or Sex in the City re-run to bring it up. If they haven’t you can still collect some important information like favourite colours, what kind of sexual stimulation they like (e.g. penetration, external, both), whether they’d be interested in a book or video that’s more raunchy than romantic, etc… It’s not go big or go home. If you’re not sure what to get, buying the biggest or most expensive toy is not necessarily the way to go with sex toys. In fact if it’s a first time sex toy we suggest inexpensive, and small. When in doubt, go versatile. Whether you’re looking for a toy, book, or video, if you’re not sure what you or your partner wants, pick something that will give you options. A short story collection might be better than a novel, a toy that is good for both penetration and external stimulation might be better than one that is designed for a single purpose. The sexiest cop out ever. Picking up a gift certificate plus a card or small token gift is a nice way of putting your partner in the driver seat, but still picking up the bill. For more tips or to create a wish list so your partner knows what you’d like, go to: comeasyouare.com
Dear Josey, what’s the best way to approach a stranger on the bus?
Dear Toronto Strip Club, What’s a good, friendly way to start a conversation with, or to ask out, someone whom you’ve seen several times on public transit? Normally I’m pretty social, but I can’t think of a way to break the ice between two perfect strangers. BUSted Dear BUSted, You could plant yourself strategically in front of her and then when the bus jerks to a stop, slam into her and plant a big wet one on her lips. I don’t recommend it. I also wouldn’t recommend breaking the ice by straight up asking her out. Since most of walk around with our guards up, especially with total strangers on moving vehicles, you’ll want to move in slowly. Imagine approaching someone in a social situation but stretch it out over several bus rides. See if you can catch her eye at some point, then flash her a gentle smile. Not an ear-to-ear grin that makes you look like a psychotic maniac. Leave it at that. Next time you see her, smile again and simply, say “Hi.” That’s it. You’re simply acknowledging that you’ve noticed her enough to recognize her. If she plays along, smiles back, and says “Hi” — and not in a, forced, through clenched teeth, “I’m so way into reading this book I’m never looking up from it again” way — then next time, attempt a little conversation. If she’s interested, it doesn’t really matter what you say unless it’s something completely inane that turns her off. If she’s not interested, a clever comment might change her mind, but likely not. So best not to try to be too clever unless you really are (and not just according to you). “I guess you’re Jag’s in the shop too…” or “We have to stop meeting like this?” sounds forced and not very funny. Stick to something innocuous like the weather or the ride. If she’s reading, ask her what she’s reading. Basically, you just want to gauge whether or not she’s interested in talking at all. If she responds and seems game to chat, well, then chat…just be careful not to come on too strong once you get a reaction. End the conversation before she does. Give her space. Slow and steady wins the race. If this continues and the next conversation goes well, try suggesting that you have a conversation in a non-moving vehicle. Ask her if she’d like to grab a coffee some time. If she says yes, congratulations, you’re in.
Canadian HIV/AIDS Update
Today, Dec. 1, is World AIDS Day. In honour of that, I give you some facts about HIV/AIDS in Canada to think about. According to the November, 2007 HIV/AIDS update from the Public Health Agency of Canada: * More Canadians are living with HIV infection: an estimated 58,000 at the end of 2005 compared with 50,000 at the end of 2002. * Of these, approximately 15,800 or 27% are not aware of their infection. * By the end of 2005, an estimated 11,800 women were living with HIV, accounting for about 20% of the national total. This represents an increase of 23% from the 9,600 estimated at the end of 2002. * The estimated number of new infections among women has increased slightly since 2002, when women accounted for 24% of new infections. In 2005, women represented 27% of all new HIV infections in Canada. Among women, the primary exposure categories associated with newly diagnosed HIV infection are heterosexual contact and injecting drug use. * At the end of 2005, an estimated 58,000 (48,000-68,000) people in Canada were living with HIV infection (including AIDS), and of these 51% or 29,600 infections were estimated to be among MSM (men having sex with men). * In 2006, the MSM category accounted for 35.1% and the heterosexual contact exposure category for 31.6% of positive HIV test reports in those 50 years of age or older. * A national study found that approximately 50% to 60% of grade 9 and 11 students think there is a vaccine available to prevent HIV/AIDS. The same Survey found that 36% of grade 11 students think that there is a cure for HIV/AIDS.
Dear Josey, can I make it work long distance?
Dear Toronto Strip Club I would like to know how I could let a female friend of mine who lives in another city know that I am interested in her, without jeopardizing our friendship. Is there any way to find out if she feels the same way without being too direct? And what is the success rate of a long-distance relationship? Distance Makes the Friend Grow Fonder Dear Distance, Let’s see, for every kilometer you are apart, you stand exactly a 67.9 percentage chance of success. I dunno, I have no idea about the exact success rates of long-distance relationships. I’m not sure anyone’s ever studied the subject but it’s not a bad idea. Best I know is that it requires a lot of patience, understanding, and communication, just like a relationship with someone in the same city. Oh, and you might need a better long-distance plan. Of course, you’re really playing the odds as you don’t just want to test the long-distance relationship waters, you also want to tread into the turning-a-friendship-into-a-relationship sea, and let me warn you, the waters can be rough. If you go into too deep, too quickly, you may drown risking the chance of losing both the possibility of a relationship and your friendship. She’ll suddenly be aware of those underlying romantic currents and steer clear. Okay, enough with the water metaphors but basically, as I always caution the numbers of people like yourself who want to turn friendships into relationships: I know it seems like it’d be perfect because, well you get along soooo well and you’re friendship basically feels like a relationship without the intimacy. But that’s why it’s just been a friendship: that chemistry just wasn’t there. That said, it does happen and there are many examples of people who’ve been great friends for years, who suddenly look at each other "that way." I just think it might be easier to navigate those waters (I’m sorry, I can’t stop) while you are at least in the same city, as it does require some careful maneuvering. Any chance, she’s coming back to your hometown? Something that is important to consider anyway if you want to think about having a long-distance relationships. One of the huge factors necessary in having a successful long-distance relationship is knowing that you’re not going to be long distance forever.
Boob support while you sleep…
Amazingly enough there are not one but two new products on the market designed to support you breasts while you sleep. La Decolette by Dutch designer Rachel de Boer is cupless “bra” meant to be worn while you sleep to prevent cleavage wrinkles while Kush support is a contraption that you wedge between your boobs to help support them while you sleep. And I guess so you can look stylish with rubber pillow wedged between your boobs while you sleep, the Kush support comes in your choice of nude, mocha, ebony or green. Jeeze, what’s next? Why don’t they just come up with a mummy suit you can climb into every night so nothing sags or wrinkles and be done with it. Female crabs get around… According to an article in The Australian , researchers found that female fiddler crabs are willing to offer sex to male crabs in exchange for protection with their big, manly single claw, something lady crabs lack. And the more boy crabs she sleeps with the more protection she gets unlike human females who sleep with a lot of men. They’re more likely to be bullied or cast aside. Online daters beware… According to allegations by Australia’s consumer protection agency, an Australia-based dating website created fictitious profiles of people and used them to send flirty messages to users. The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission has launched an action in the Federal Court in Perth against Jetplace Pty Ltd, the operator of the website redhotpie.com, alleging it engaged in misleading conduct. Amazingly enough, the site’s still up and ripping people off, I mean running. As if online dating wasn’t frustrating enough. Word to the wise: check it out before you fork over any money.
SoftChoice: For those who have the opposite problem…
In this week’s J Spot column I wrote about my concerns about Fibanserin, which is being touted as the Female Viagra. As I point out in my column, it’s nothing like Viagra. Viagra solves a hydraulic problem. It allows more blood to flow to the penis. That’s it. , on the other hand, affects brain chemistry. For a funny, satirical take on Viagra, check out http://www.brancosays.com/2009/11/softchoice-now-you-have-choice.html
Dear Josey, once a cheater, always a cheater?
Dear Toronto Strip Club, I was going out with this girl four about eight months, until she broke up with me for another guy. We broke up for about two months, during which time she was seeing this guy and lying to me about it the whole time. I took her back but then found out about all the cheating and lying she was doing behind my back. Should I trust her and should I stay with her? Should I Stay or Should I Go? Dear Should, What do you think? Last time I checked lying and cheating behind someone’s back weren’t exactly part of the recipe for a good healthy relationship. Which is not to say you should never forgive a cheater. Is she really sorry? Does she really want the relationship to work? Without knowing her side of the story, it’s a little tough for me to know if this relationship is worth the work. Because trust me, healing a relationship in which there has been lying and cheating is many times more difficult than having a healthy relationship without the lying and cheating – and that’s certainly no walk in the park. I wouldn’t have a job if it were. I figure everyone deserves another chance. She may have some reasons for straying and you need to ask her if she does. It might hurt to hear some of them but if you want it to work, you have to put your ego aside and really listen to them and then really make the effort, I mean really make the effort to address them. Then if she’s really sorry and is really done with this guy, you can give it another go. But this isn’t baseball. As far as I’m concerned, when it comes to relationships and cheating, two strikes and you’re out.